$ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ Intentional Investing Newsletter March\April, 2004 $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ = $ IN THIS ISSUE: 1. Note from Your Editor, Lynne 2. Article: Money Avoidance 3. Top Five Tips: Shifting from Avoidance into Action 4. Intentional Investing Announcements ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Note from Lynne -=- Dear Reader, Spring is arriving! And, along with the daffodils and cherry blossoms comes that dreaded event -- tax time. If you're someone who finishes your taxes by February 15, kudos to you! However, many of us are -- or know -- one of the thousands of Americans who procrastinates until the last minute or takes a filing extension. While there are many reasons that we procrastinate, and in particular procrastinate on our income tax forms, money avoidance can be a primary reason. As I write this issue, I realize how passionate I am about bringing this typically hidden and costly problem to light. Avoidance is a default position. You can't be in avoidance and be intentional. Our feature article goes right to the heart of money avoidance. If you like what you read, forward this newsletter to someone who could benefit from learning how to move from avoidance to action. Wishing you an uplifting and prosperous Spring! Lynne ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Lynne Hornyak, Ph.D., Editor e-mail: Lynne@LMHServices.com Coaching successful professionals to greater financial freedom and well-being. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Feature Article: Money Avoidance -=- It's the end of March. Have you filed your income taxes yet? Many of us haven't, but will do so by April 15. What if you haven't yet gathered your essential receipts and documents? Or haven't even allowed the word "T_ _ ES" to pass your lips, or enter your mind? Do the phrases "balance your checkbook," "develop a budget," or "pay bills on time" send shivers down your spine? Make you uncomfortable or anxious? Does your spouse exasperate you by evading money discussions and not following through on agreements to keep financial records? It's likely that you, or your partner, has "money avoidance." $ What is money avoidance? When we avoid something, it usually means that we fear, dislike, or feel threatened by the object, situation or person. Does it mean that money avoiders don't like or feel threatened by money? Not money per se. Money is simply currency. What money avoiders attempt to keep at bay is the *meaning* that money has for them and what they believe it reflects about them as a person. $ What personal fears can underlie money avoidance? Fears can be as individualistic as the money avoider him- or herself. However, there are several common categories. 1. I haven't achieved what I expect for myself. Money avoiders with this fear equate money with their self-worth. Darren is a classic example. Darren reports with embarrassment that he hasn't made progress on tax preparations. Initially, Darren can't say what gets in his way - "I just don't do it." Focusing carefully on his thoughts and reactions, Darren is finally able to put words to his discomfort. "I don't want to see what I earn and how little I have left at the end of the year. I feel like a loser. I should be making a lot more than I am by now." 2. Facing hard truths. These money avoiders stay "fuzzy" about their finances because they don't want to see the consequences of their money choices. Lisa is afraid of her hard truths. She loves to buy expensive clothes as well as to furnish her lovely condo. By not facing that she has "champagne taste on a beer budget", Lisa avoids her anxiety and reality by adopting a breezy attitude: "I'll just take an extension on filing my taxes. I have other problems to think about right now." 3. If I take charge of my money, "something bad will happen". These money avoiders fear the unknown. They believe on some level that their actions will result in pain, loss or disaster. So, avoiding keeps the status quo and provides a false sense of safety. Dana discovers in her money coaching that she avoids her taxes and managing money in general because she is convinced that if she takes ownership of her money life she'll make mistakes that will devastate her. By taking small, cautious steps Dana is realizing that her fears are unwarranted; she has good instincts and learns quickly. 4. Facing unpleasant past experiences. Many money avoiders have negative experiences involving money in their past. Some money avoiders witnessed their parents in constant battles about money. Perhaps the fights escalated around times like income tax preparation when they faced their full financial picture. Others describe parents with very different money styles - for example, one who worried regardless of how much money they had while the other loved to spend. Their money life was a rollercoaster of anxiety and indulgences, with loads of mixed messages about money. Other money avoiders made poor financial decisions earlier in life. They now avoid taking charge of their money because it evokes painful memories and a sense of failure. 5. I never thought I'd be here. Divorce, death of a spouse, or the loss of a job can result in significant financial change and hardship. Money avoiders who experienced significant loss attempt to ward off pain by continuing to live the same lifestyle they had prior to their change in circumstances. Kathy is divorced with two children. She has possession of the house, and maintains the standard of living that she was accustomed to when married. Kathy's dilemma, which she has avoided facing, is that her alimony and child support don't support her lifestyle and she does not work. Referred by her accountant for money coaching, Kathy says in disbelief "I can't believe I'm in this situation. How did I get here? I never imagined when I got married that I'd have to think about supporting myself." $ What are the costs of money avoidance? Avoidance is a "default" position. When you default, you aren't and can't make conscious, intentional choices about your money. That is a handicap. Another cost is that, as you continue to avoid money management, you don't discover the true source of your avoidance. The true source is the threat to your self-esteem that is the result of certain assumptions and judgments that underlie your habits and behaviors, often without your awareness. In addition, you lose out on opportunities to build comfort, confidence and control in handling your money life. And that leaves you in a vulnerable position in spite of the immediate "gain" of avoiding your anxiety and worry. If you or someone you love is a money avoider, there's hope. Invest in yourself by reading the Five Top Tips for transforming avoidance into action that follow below. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Like what you're reading? Then send this newsletter to friends, family, and colleagues who are interested in moving toward greater financial freedom and well-being. They can subscribe at www.lmhservices.com, or by sending an e-mail to Lynne@WLMHServices with "subscribe newsletter" in the subject line. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Top Five Tips: Shifting from Avoidance to Action -=- 1. Label your avoidance as what it is. Avoidance. 2. Get curious about your avoidance. Darren, Lisa, Dana and Kathy are all making judgments about themselves or their situations. Judgments close our minds to alternatives and drive avoidance. Judgments have power when they operate without our awareness because we then can't question them. In addition, judgments are opinions; they aren't facts. Curiosity and nonjudgmental fact-finding give us data with which to work. And, it's important to remember that opinions can change. 3. Separate money from the meaning it has about you. Darren equates money with self-worth. Many people do, but his negative association prevents rather than encourages action. If you are like Darren, you can ask yourself some different questions: * What are other ways to measure my self-worth than by what I earn? * Are my expectations realistic and achievable or do they harbor "shoulds" or wishful thinking? * How would a person with good self-worth make changes in how he\she is earning and spending their money to achieve their goals? 4. Identify money-related tasks that you avoid. Make a list of specific money-related activities that you avoid. Prioritize them from the easiest to the most difficult or most anxiety-provoking. 5. Take small steps with support and encouragement. In Dana's case, she began logging her expenses and gathering her income information. She discovered that her expectation of deprivation wasn't a fact. Lisa and Kathy are currently facing hard truths. They also are realizing there are ways to deal with those facts and are feeling more in control as a result. Sometimes an objective person such as a friend or relative whom you trust, a financial advisor or a coach can help you to sort out fact from fiction and establish a plan to move you from avoidance to action. Get the support you need to take effective action. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ If you are interested in coaching, contact me for a free half-hour consultation at Lynne@LMHServices.com. or (202) 387-5923. Please include your name, e-mail address, phone number and brief description of your interest in being coached. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Intentional Investing Announcements -=- Our January-March Intentional Investing calendar wrapped up with some energetic teleclasses and telegroups. Watch for a special announcement of April - June offerings in the coming week! ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ PLEASE NOTE: Intentional Investing [TM] is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for financial, legal, accounting, psychotherapeutic, or other professional advice and consultation. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Copyright 2000-2003 Lynne Hornyak. All rights reserved. The above material is copyrighted but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a website without my permission. Reprint permission will be freely granted upon request. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in modified or altered form. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ $=$ CONTACT INFORMATION $=$ Lynne Hornyak, Ph.D. LMH Services Coaching and Consulting 3818 Klingle Place, NW Washington, DC 20016 Phone: (202) 387-5923 Fax: (202) 244-3373 e-mail: Lynne@LMHServices.com Web: www.LMHServices.com