$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$ Wealth Healthy Women Newsletter Healthy Attitudes ==> Wealthy Women [TM] February, 2003 $=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$ WELCOME to Wealth Healthy Women [TM], a free e-mail newsletter for women seeking greater financial freedom and well-being. To subscribe to this free e-mail newsletter please send an e-mail to Lynne@WealthHealthy.com. In the subject line put "Subscribe Newsletter". $=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$=$ IN THIS ISSUE: 1. Note From Your Editor, Lynne 2. Article: It Just Makes $ense 3. Resource Spotlight: Kathryn Lord, Relationship Coach 4. WealthHealthy Announcements ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Note From Lynne -=- Valentine's Day seems the perfect time to announce the latest addition to Wealth Healthy. We are very excited about our new special focus: "Joining Hearts and Wallets." Joining Hearts and Wallets addresses the financial challenges and joys of couples who are blending their lives. Our mission is to provide couples with the awareness and tools they need to achieve (or at least approach) financial harmony, preferably before any problems begin. Money is one of the top issues that couples fight about. It is frequently cited by divorcing couples as a reason for separating, as well as a major entanglement in attempting to separate. We at Wealth Healthy want to make a difference in reducing the casualties and enhancing the joy and satisfaction that draw us to relationships in the first place. JH&W will make a particular effort to address the interests of "babyboomers" who are blending their financial lives -- whether it be for the first, second or third time. "Boomers" are those of us born between 1946 and 1964. Why spotlight boomers? Personally, I'm a boomer. And, last year I blended my life for a second time. So, it's a topic dear to my heart (and wallet). Second, there are interesting and complex financial issues for women and men coming together at this stage of life -- supporting children and spouses from a first marriage, career transitions in mid-life, caring for aging parents, planning for retirement, to name a few. Wealth Healthy is developing dynamic partnerships with other resources to provide solutions and services for new couples. To begin with, we are partnering with a relationship coach who has a number of neat interests including "cyberromance" and "older" brides. Please read the interview with Kathryn Lord in the Resource Spotlight section, and attend the February 18 teleclass. She's a delightful person, full of wit and spirit -- and a recent newlywed in mid-life! Welcome Kathryn. I hope you enjoy the feature article, It Just Makes $ense, that also was written by Kathryn. Whether you are currently in a relationship or not, her points are well made. I wish you much love and joy in your life. Happy Valentine's Day. Warmly, Lynne ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Feature Article: It Just Makes $ense -=- Yesterday I sat with a woman whose marriage is crumbling. Four years ago, she had no debt and a nice little nest egg of about $10,000. Not bad for a single mother of three. She met a man who seemed the answer to her dreams. Even though he had been married twice before, had $40,000 in debt from those divorces, and half his military retirement went for child support, he seemed wonderful. They married and she quit her job, moved from her hometown to his and into his home. Now, things have happened, they both have changed, and he wants out of the marriage. But her nest egg is gone, dribbled away to meet the bills that he couldn't pay, she can't afford to move out, and he can't afford to either. He's sleeping on the couch and she can't control her furious words. What could have been done to prevent such a terrible mess? Sadly, these situations get repeated over and over, with many variations but drearily the same, day after day. Certainly, both of the couple brought baggage to the new relationship -- previous marriages and adolescent children -- six between the two of them. But an unnecessary burden was the financial. What was this man thinking, to start a third marriage with $40,000 of debt from the first two? And half his income going towards child support? Newly retired, it was months before he took a job he felt paid enough, and his new wife's savings filled the gaps. And what was she thinking, marrying a man with this kind of debt and financial obligations, without sufficient income to cover the bills and regular living? And to give up her job, move into his house, and not to protect her savings? "I knew it was risky in some ways, but he seemed so wonderful, all that I had ever imagined. I kept hoping that he would take a job, any job, though I understood that he thought he was worth more. When he finally did get a job, it was a good thing, because I couldn't have paid the next set of bills. We were broke." Even though it is true that love can be blind, this woman knew better. She knew it was risky, but she hoped it would work out. He seemed perfect, though none of us are. She knew better. And hope does not pay the bills. These burdens might have been the extra weight that collapsed that stressed relationship. We can't know for sure, but if the husband had cleaned up his financial act before getting re-involved in an intimate relationship, if the two of them had some sort of prenuptial agreement that would have protected her savings, this marriage might have had a better chance to survive. Tips from a Romance Coach: 1. Being in love is like being high -- actually, you ARE high, because your brain is manufacturing pleasure chemicals not unlike narcotics. Just as being high on drugs alters our perceptions and judgments, so does love. Do not assume that your "in love" bliss will solve all the obvious problems. 2. Prepare for falling in love by getting yourself in order, particularly legally and financially. Go into a new relationship as unencumbered as possible. Relationships are hard enough without burdening them unnecessarily with divorce proceedings or debt from the last marriage. 3. Take a look at your rescue fantasies: Are you hoping that someone rich will save you from your negligence or lack of financial planning? Are you considering taking on someone whose money life is in a shambles? 4. Even though it may not sound romantic, one of the most loving things a couple can do for each other is to make clear written agreements concerning money -- the protections of the assets each bring to the relationship, how money will be managed and financial decisions made, and how the financial aspects of the marriage would be dismantled if the couple separates. If you truly love each other, you want to protect your partner and the relationship, and this kind of planning protects. A coach can help you with each of these steps. A coach can help you assess your judgment. A coach can ask the hard questions that you don't want to address or even see. A coach can help you keep your feet on the ground, even while your head is in the pink clouds of love. Here's the message: In your romantic life, be financially responsible. Just as you should be legally free to involve yourself, be financially free as well. Do not look for a partner to save you from your financial irresponsibility. And when you enter a new relationship, carefully discuss both of your financial situations and take precautions to protect the monetary interests of both partners. It just makes sense. Kathryn Lord, L.C.S.W. Relationship Coach Coaching for CyberRomantics On the web at www.KathrynBLord.com ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ -=- Resource Spotlight: Interview with Kathryn Lord, Relationship Coach -=- $=$ Tell us about your work as relationship coach, particularly a romance coach. I’ve been a psychotherapist for 26 years, working with adults, particularly couples. I specialized in infidelity, couples where there has been an affair. I am also intrigued by the concept of love and how people get together. I saw how helping people to understand love and be ready for an intimate relationship could strengthen partnerships and prevent painful situations, like infidelity. So, Romance Coaching was the perfect match for me. $=$ Do you work with a specific group of dating singles? I think of myself as working with singles over 30. People younger than that probably don’t experience themselves quite as distressed about dating as those 30 and older. And, I have a particular fondness for older couples. My husband and I met five years ago on the Internet. I was 48 and he was 51. $=$ What do you think you do best as a relationship\romance coach? Well, I certainly have "Been there, done that!" When I was interested, and before I met my husband Drew, I was completely on my own as far as figuring out how to do it. What I try to do for others is what I wish had been available for me. $=$ You talk about readiness for dating. What would let a woman know that she's really ready, not just talking herself into it because our culture is a coupled one? And, where does financial readiness fit in? I really mean readiness for a relationship. Many single people would say "I’m ready, I’m READY!" And they may think that they are. They may have been dating for awhile, for years even. However, even though they THINK they are ready and are dating, at a deeper level, they may not be. I am firmly convinced that when a person is really, really ready, someone shows up. I heard it described the other day as like a taxi -- when the light is not on, no one flags a cab down. When the "ready" switch gets flipped, things start happening. Financial readiness is part of the package: If you are in good financial shape, then you know it and are confident and it shows. If you are in rotten shape money-wise, it heightens the level of your anxiety and desperateness, and there is nothing that turns anyone off like desperation. If anything, you are too ready, ready to be saved from yourself and your irresponsibility, and not too many folks would sign up for that job. $=$ What are common pitfalls for women who are moving into, or returning to, the dating scene -- particularly pitfalls that can affect them financially? Well, the old saying is "Love is blind." I think it has a learning disability -- can’t add or subtract. Certainly being in love affects judgement -- you are high on love chemicals, endorphins. Many women and men have difficulty realistically evaluating what is going on in their relationship. They can overlook or rationalize some pretty serious red flags. Others find it difficult to make practical decisions. If you have financial assets -- either party -- they need protecting in a new relationship. People think that premarital agreements "aren’t romantic." What’s not romantic about wanting to protect your partner? $=$ Can you share with our readers any new trends that you see emerging in dating arena? In general, dating and the Internet have joined forces and have gone mainstream. Oprah did a show about it just last week, and there are articles about CyberDating in the February "O" magazine. If Oprah is onto it, CyberRomance has arrived. I’ve heard of a couple great ideas: One is a site called www.greatboyfriends.com. Men get listed when they are sponsored by an ex, sister, friend, a female who knows and vouches for them. Otherwise, it is probably like a traditional dating site, though for women. Another is www.8at8.com. This site organizes dinner parties at restaurants for eight singles, four men and four women at a time. The negatives are that the program is only in a few cities, and only caters to people under 40. $=$ If a reader would like to know more about your services, how can they do that? I try to make it VERY easy -- I have a great website www.KathrynBLord.com. Lots of information there, and a new design is on the drawing boards as I write, so if you see the one with the blue and lavender background , check back in a week or two and see if things have changed. I put out a free e-newsletter twice monthly, and that is full of great information about dating. You can subscribe on my website, as well as see a sample. If you want to get in touch with me directly, you can email me at Kathryn@KathrynBLord.com or phone 601-619-0030. I’d love to hear from you! -=- WealthHealthy Announcements -=- $=$ FREE Teleclass $=$ -= JOINING HEARTS AND WALLETS =- Guest Interview with relationship coach Kathryn Lord, LCSW, "The CyberRomance Coach." Join our lively discussion on love and money! Kathryn will expand on her comments in the Feature Article and Resource Spotlight interview. Then we'll open the conversation for questions and discussion. Details: When: Tuesday, February 18 7:00 - 8:00 PM Eastern Time Where: The comfort of your home or office! When you register, you will receive the telephone number to call for the teleclass. Cost: FREE How do I register? Send an e-mail to: Lynne@WealthHealthy.com, with "Register" in the Subject line. In the body of the e-mail, please include your first name and preferred e-mail address for us to send you the phone number. If you have specific questions for Kathryn, please put them in the e-mail as well. $=$ Upcoming Events $=$ Tuesday, March 19: Must-ask Questions Leading to Money and Investment Savvy Guest Interview with Amy Lampert, Registered Investment Advisor and founder of WomensWorth, a women's investor education and counseling company. FREE. 7:00 - 8:00 PM Eastern Look for an article and interview of Amy in the March issue of Wealth Healthy Women. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Tuesday, April 22: Retirement Readiness - Are You on Track? Guest Interview with Denise Fort, Financial Advisor, American Express 7:00 - 8:00 PM Eastern Look for an article and interview with Denise in the April issue of Wealth Healthy Women. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ To hear a 10-minute description of the WealthHealthy approach, as well as a bit about me, you can call 1-212-461-2660. If you are interested in coaching, simply e-mail me at Lynne@WealthHealthy.com or call me at (202) 387-5923. Please include your name, e-mail address, phone number and brief description of your interest in being coached. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Pass this newsletter along to friends, family, and colleagues who also may be interested in moving toward greater financial freedom and well-being. They can get their own free subscription by going to http://WealthHealthy.com and signing up -- it's as simple as typing in your e-mail address. Or, send an e-mail to whw-request@WealthHealthy.com with the word "subscribe newsletter" in the body of the letter. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ PLEASE NOTE: Wealth Healthy Women [TM] is intended for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for financial, legal, accounting, psychotherapeutic, or other professional advice and consultation. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ Copyright 2003 Lynne Hornyak. All rights reserved. The above material is copyrighted but you may retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as long as not a single word is changed, added or deleted, including the contact information. However, you may not copy it to a website without my permission. Reprint permission will be freely granted upon request. Advance written permission must be obtained for any reprinting of this material in modified or altered form. ^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^ $=$ CONTACT INFORMATION $=$ Lynne Hornyak, Ph.D. WealthHealthy.com Phone: (202) 387-5923 Fax: (202) 244-3373 e-mail: Lynne@WealthHealthy.com Web: http://WealthHealthy.com